Hi there~
Really sorry for the sudden departure..had alot on my mind then. I realised that running away was not a very viable option. ^_^

For those who are interested, my new add is at: [link]

Many thanks again to old friends.

Hi everyone~ ^__^
I'm leaving soon, and a person's last words are the most important things he will ever say. I want to thanks those who watched me, those who watched me when I started out and also those who only recently watched me. The suppport you all gave me will always be appreciated.

Some of you may ask...Why am I leaving? I am simply given an offer for something else to commit my life to fight for. Something greater than what I was trying to acheive, something greater than me spending long hours to acheive a certain art technique. And those who know me well as well as what I seek in life will have no doubt I took that offer.
What that offer is, its simply an invitation to know the person that gave me the gift and the inspiration to draw.

So now, I'll be on my way.....For those with a bible at home, you all can turn to Matthew 16:25


"If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for me, you will find true life. "

Happy New Year Guys!!!
Really sorry for the recent inactivity....there has been alot on my mind as well as many changes in my life right now. For the past few days, I have been very deep in thought....and there are really certain stuff that is like a splinter in my mind..For those of ya who do not want a depressing start to a new year, please do not read on~~

It has been almost 4 years since I've been drawing....I'm almost 20 years old and my studies in anime school is 2/3 over. in about a couple more years, I will be going out into the world to make a living...Somehow, I feel I'm not prepared.....my previous journals make me look like an optimistic and determined dreamer, and the truth is, I'm still optimistic about my goals in life, yet as the days draw nearer, I feel a sort of insecurity that nibbles away at my heart....guess that means I'm still human..

As human beings, we all share 1 common destiny (we die someday). They only unique part of us is our thoughts and the way our life is carried out. Our character is molded out of the people around us, and our reaction to it. When I grew up, I was surrounded by many cynical and pessimistic people, and my decision was to be different....not because I wanted to be positive, but rather I just wanted to be special so I could get attention.

Somehow, after junior high school, I was given a choice for further education. I did quite well and was eligible for a decent Senior high school. However, I took the road less taken and went to design/animation school. When I went to anime school, the lecturers asked us all why we made our choice. We all gave politically correct answers, but each students' true answer came from their attitude for the next few semesters.

There were those who went in not knowing what they wanted, but yet emerging as a great student, there are those who knew exactly what they wanted, but yet were not able to make the mark. My reply to my lecturer was that, "I was interested in learning traditional 2-D animation" I wasn't lying when I said that, but It was not my true intention. I was really hoping I could improve my anime drawing in there.

I have spent 2 years in there, and I'm not even halfway to what I hoped I can become. I still have one year left....and I do not know how I can turn things around. For those who watch Naruto, I identify with Rock Lee very well, like him, I can only do 1 thing well, and in the field of art and design it is ANIME alone....I can't paint scenery, or do life drawings well. I guess I gotta stick to the deck I was dealt. Hopefully, before this year ends, by some miracle, I can get something out of myself~

Well, enough ramblings~~ Champions are not people who never lose, they are people who NEVER QUIT.

Hi all!!
Really sorry I've been missing in action for the past few days!
Its Christmas right now and I'm REALLY a little tied up with lots of stuff, so please forgive me if I have missed out replying any threads, I really read em one by one and I appreciate all the comments very much! ^__^

Thanks to all new and old watchers, you all are the inspiration that keeps me goin~~
I'll probably be back on the 27th of Dec, till then, cya all and MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Hmm...
Another day at church~Somehow, after church, I always get profound thoughts and ideas in my mind. As I was on the way home. I asked myself a question. Do we look for destiny?? Or does destiny look for us?

When I looked up the word "destiny" in the dictionary, it was described as " Things that will happen in the future, ESPECIALLY those that cannot be CHANGED or CONTROLLED.."Somehow I came to think of another word, which was "purpose" (Lol.....goin matrix again~) In the dictionary, it has many meanings, the one that caught my attention described " purpose" as "...what something is SUPPOSED to do"...

Right now, I'm sure enough to declare I'm an artist. I'm sure many who are here can also declare to be an artist. An artist is someone who influences physical substance for the sake of expression. A ballet dancer is no different from a hip-hop breakdancer as both use their body movement for expression. So let there be no mental boundaries on what looks "nice" or what does not look "nice", style impresses, beauty EXPRESSES~

Somehow, there is a question I can't answer and that is, "Why do I draw?" Once I told myself that I draw to make myself happy. I was lying to myself, drawing to me is like a fight, a war against my limitations and I certainly find no peace of heart in that struggle.

Following that, I told myself that I was drawing in order to fufill a dream, a goal, to acheive something, to win a fight, to keep it as a momento, but it is clear that by itself is another illusion. What does a person gain by being the best? As I said 2 journals ago, average man in its most basic form is equal mentally, so oppurtunity is equal. When you become number one, you simply REALISED and TRAINED faster than all. It won't be long before someone else capitalise on your success and overtake you. (I'm climbing on the art form of the Japanese myself)

After a while, I thought, maybe I'm doing this because I wanna make people happy. Yes, I wanna make others smile because of my art. While it is true that some will be touched and encouraged by my art, there will some who are not at my level who will be demoralised or discouraged by my work. It is inevitable, where there is life, there is death, similarly, my work is like a double-edged sword, uplifting some, killing some.

At the next stage, i was getting philosophical, I thought, "Its a journey, a journey that would lead to the next....don't focus on finishing, but ENJOY the process..." It sounds realistic, almost like "Enjoy today and do not worry about tomorrow" No matter how optimistic it sounds, we are governed by the laws of existance whether we like it or not.

No matter how much one may choose not to believe in the law of gravity, when he falls off a building, it doesn't matter...he will be SUBJECT to the law of gravity. The oracle says it best, everything that has a beginning has an end. I would only know my PURPOSE if I understand my DESTINY....and I can only fufill my DESTINY if I carry out my PURPOSE.

Right now, I'm still searching for the purpose of my art. I would need it to fufill my existance as an artist. Am I to serve as an example to others? Or maybe I am to become a victim and save others from my mistake? Or my existance may be to make preparation for one who will precede me? Someone once said, "If we do not know what we are willing to die for, we are not fit to live" In the bible, it says that without a vision, people perish. It may sound like a handful, but its definately worth some thought.

But life ain't cruel, we all have SKILLS. In the dictionary, it is "The ability to do something well, especially becaused you learned and practiced it" If all average humans are born the same, our differences may be the only clue to out destinys and our skills may be the clue to our purposes. Right now, as an artist, I am still on the way, but to all aspiring artists who have ART as an ability, here are some advice on how to handle the ability:

~Use it, but do not worship it~
~Enjoy it, but do not live for it~

Remember, art is a means of finding the way, but its not the objective, nor is it the destination of our existance.